5 Things Every Bride and Groom Should Know Before Getting Married

I’m often asked for advice regarding the mistakes I made when I was planning my wedding. One of the most common questions being: what do you wish you had known before you got married? My answer is always the same: it’s not about what I wish I knew, but more about what I wish I had paid more attention to. Because let’s face it, when it comes to weddings, we’ve all heard our fair share of quotes and sayings. Unfortunately, we don’t always take that information seriously, you know? So here are 5 things I think every bride and groom should know and consider.

2| Planning the wedding will be challenging

Planning a wedding is hard. Even if it’s a small wedding. Trust me. For most people (and especially for African, ethnic, and multicultural couples who tend to invite a lot of guests) their wedding will be one of the biggest events they will ever plan.  

A wedding can easily be considered one of the most emotionally, financially, and physically draining experiences in a lifetime.

Planning your wedding can be an emotional roller coaster

Needless to say, wedding planning is emotional. This tends to be a stressful year, especially for brides.

Here are a few things that can emotionally overwhelm you while planning your wedding: dealing with your expectations, your families’ expectations, people butting in, friends being flaky and even arguing with your future spouse.

In the midst of it all, remember that it’s your wedding and you and your fiancé (e) should have the last word.

Planning your wedding can be physically draining

Seriously. While I was planning my wedding, I was running around town, having meetings with different vendors, looking for the perfect dress, playing chauffeur to all the family members who kept visiting because they wanted to “help”. It was no joke. It was so bad that I would forget to eat sometimes. I got tired and weak.

And that’s when my parents had a little intervention for me. Most of us still work while planning our weddings, so it feels like having 2 full-time jobs. And let’s keep it real. Most of the time, the brides are the ones jumping around going crazy because the to-do-list keeps getting longer, and the wedding is in 3 weeks. Meanwhile, our dear beloved grooms are still trying to figure out why they are so stressed.

So what am I trying to say?

Take care of yourself. No one wants the couple to be burned out on their wedding day. Sleep, exercise, eat, and have fun!

Planning your wedding can be financially challenging

Do I even need to get into this? We all know weddings are expensive. We also know that having to save up (no matter what you’re saving for) can be a hassle.

3| The first year of marriage is tough. And the second year. And the third year.

See where I’m going with this? Marriage is no game. Seriously, it’s tough, tough. You have to keep working at it. Or else it will fail. That is a guarantee. So forget the whole “the first year of marriage is tough” thing —every single year of marriage is tough and you should continuously work on your relationship.

Marriage isn’t the end. It’s not a destination. It’s the beginning. So ladies, just because you’re married now, it doesn’t mean you have to stop wearing those cute outfits you used to. And gentlemen, just because you’re married now, it doesn’t mean you should start wearing the same Adidas sweats every single day.

Don’t stop dating your spouse just because you are married and don’t start acting like the boring couple you never wanted to become. Your marriage is what you make of it.

Keep that spark alive. 😉

4| Where there is no communication, there is no marriage

We all know this; we’ve heard it a thousand times. But we still all seem to have trouble with it. Let me share a secret with you: your spouse isn’t a genie! I know, it’s crazy, right?

If you don’t communicate your wishes and expectations for your marriage, how do you expect your spouse to know? And no, “we’ve been together for such a long time, he or she should know what I’m thinking” isn’t a valid answer. Obviously, there are things they should know after a while: like whether you like pineapple on your pizza or not (let’s not start this debate). But your expectations might have changed over the years. 

Here are a few tips to improve communication in your marriage:  

• Listen to your spouse (let them speak and don’t interrupt!)
• Communicate in person (please don’t argue via WhatsApp, trust me, I’ve made the mistake)
• Communicate respectfully (don’t be hurtful and say things you might regret)
• Do not bring up  past issues (do I need to say more, ladies?)

Now granted, communication isn’t always easy—I still struggle with a few of these points myself  ;). But it’s the foundation of any happy and healthy relationship.

5| You don’t have to follow every single marriage advice you’ve ever heard

Let me explain.

We are all different

Every. Marriage. Is. Different.

Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. And sure, we are all trying to learn by getting the right marriage advice here and there and by not repeating the same mistakes we’ve seen other couples make.

But we have to keep in mind that no one —except God—will ever know your marriage the way you do.

Listen, I’m not saying you shouldn’t take any advice, but I am saying you should always ask yourself: who is this coming from, and should I listen to it?

You know your spouse best

Let’s keep it real. Sometimes people who have had unsuccessful marriages try to butt in and give us the very same advice that has made them unhappy all these years. Other times, people mean well, but they just don’t know the dynamics of your relationship.

Here is an example.

In many African countries, when a woman is about to get married, another group of women—usually aunts and grandmothers—get together to give her advice. Needless to say, some of it is just outdated and not relevant to some young women getting married today.

Now I know for a fact there are some African girls out there (or even other multicultural brides) who know exactly what I’m talking about 😉.

This is usually how it goes down:

Aunt: “You have to make sure your husband is always well-fed. You have to make him traditional food”.

You: “But what if he doesn’t like it? He would rather eat a low-carb meal in the evening.”

Aunt: “Do you want to starve your husband? Do you want your mother-in-law to hate you?”

In this situation, following that advice wouldn’t be the smart thing to do. Do you agree?

You know your husband, what he likes and doesn’t like. They don’t live with your spouse, you do. There is awesome advice out there, but there is also a lot you should ignore.

Don’t let other people’s standards define your marriage.

How to deal with (bad/unsolicited) marriage advice?

Simple.

Nod, smile, and as soon as the conversation is over, forget everything you’ve just heard.

Or you could just tell the person to stop butting in. Your choice 😉

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